This week, I’m going to talk to you all about hate.  Yes, I’ve decided it’s time to tackle another serious blog post.  There is too much hate in soccer, but not enough hate for Cristiano Ronaldo.  Now, I can hear you all grumbling about how everybody hates a winner or the best.  Frankly, I don’t hate Cristiano Ronaldo for what he does on the soccer pitch (although he does do some things on the pitch I disagree with).  I think he is a very talented young player who might have a good career, I hate him because he’s spoiled little whiny greased up bitch.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.  First, I would like to say, that just hating somebody isn’t cool.  It has to be a thought out conscious decision to hate on somebody.  Don’t do it because it’s cool, or because your favorite Ninja Assassin told you to do it.  Each and every one of you has to search your soul and find your very own reasons to hate Cristiano Ronaldo.

But……  this is my blog post and these are my reasons!

1.        The Hair

So, I know it is very important for professional athletes to maintain their image.  However, does it really have to look like this?

I mean, this wasn’t even cool when the Grieco did it on Jump Street.

And hopefully there is karma and Ronaldo will end up with a modern day Grieco-esque hair line that he’ll have to hide under ridiculous hats and do rags.

2.       The Ferrari

So, this one hits close to home, as I am an automotive enthusiast.  Mr. Ronaldo crashed a Ferrari 599 into a cement wall on his way to training one day.  Now for those of you who are uniformed, Ferrari’s are works of art.  They are to be cherished, nurtured and loved.  You wouldn’t smack up the Venus de Milo, would you?  I think not.

3.        His Mouth

So, these words actually came out of his mouth…..

“I am the first, second and third best player in the world.”

I was going to leave this one alone and chalk it up to youthful arrogance, but I think he really believes himself when he says it.  So, here’s my plan to make this happen.  We’re going to rip off his legs so each of them can play on the field by itself at anytime.  Then what’s left of him, we’ll enter into the Special Olympics and see how he does.

4.        The Dives

When Cristiano is on the soccer field, he dives like a little bitch.  He doesn’t even wait for there to be contact before he takes a digger and buries his face in the turf and pretends to cry like a little school girl who just got her lunch tray dumped by the lunchroom bully.  And he’s so flamboyant about it too.  He seems so eager to go down…. Errrr… I’m not going to finish that thought.  You get the idea though.

5.        A picture is worth a 1,000 words…..

Ronaldo is so greasy they should hang him upside down and to collect the oil that falls and end our petroleum dependence in the middle east.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 29th, 2009 at 2:34 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.